We give people multiple chances
hoping that they’ll change
I don’t know if it speak less of them
for taking advantage
Or less of us for refusing
to accept who they are

Or both.

on hot breakfast toast

I’m softer than I’d like to admit
and in your presence, I’m like butter
but you’ll never know.

butter © 2017 KBW



I don’t like to be asked why I’m single, especially in a manner that alludes to singledom equating loneliness, bitterness, unworthiness, craziness and sadness. Or that something has to be wrong with me or any of the men I date. And I can say with confidence and honesty, I’m good! (There was a time after my first major break up that I was not so good sans partner, so, believe me, I can tell the difference.) Healthy, fulfilling relationships are dope as all get out, but what I do think is unhealthy is putting so much focus on being great for someone else that you miss the perks of rolling solo.As I’ve mentioned, you can better utilize your valuable time (re)discovering your purpose + becoming the best you for you first. No, I haven’t given up on love. I’m definitely not bitter. And I’m not on that strong, independent Black woman soapbox society so meticulously crafted for women like me, but rather the if he doesn’t put in consistent effort, teach me and is open to learning, add a significant amount of peace, enjoy telling the truth, like himself, love deeply without conditions and make my heart burst with joy, I’ll pass type deal.

And that’s just the minimum. Why do some people see this as negative?

None of us would be single if it were that easy to meet and hold onto a very compatible, ready, available someone that also wants to hold onto you. (For all and only the right reasons, of course.) And to me, cultivating love and peace and happiness within myself is of utmost importance. Maintaining joy and drive in my work and the things I do most are also high on the list. Anything more is a major bonus. But harping on why I don’t have partner? 


Maintaining a half-assed relationship out of fear or to save face? Nope, it’s just not in me! It will only make my heart ache for something real and pull energy from the things that are currently fulfilling.

Anyway, partner or no partner, whatever is meant for me in life will come.
For you, too.

Listen damnit, I am tired of single people getting looked at like we have leprosy or some shit. It is like if you are over a certain age and you are not in a relationship then some people seem to talk to or about you in such a condescending manner. Everyone does not get into…

via #SINGLELIVESMATTER — The Single Bitch Diaries

week 25|2017: Giving Thanks

Happy fifth birtheversary to my blog! Yes, people. It has been five years since gray suede’s inception. {Click here to laugh at my struggle.} I don’t know where the time went either, but it’s been a fun ride. Also the ride has been bumpy. Deserted. Lonely. I swear I could hear crickets. I would go months without posting or even logging in- ready to say f!$# it (more than once) and throw in the towel. But somehow five years added up and here we are!

I’m going to keep it short + sweet and end it with a big thanks to any and every one who has read my posts. THANK YOU to those that were moved and entertained enough to comment, share and subscribe. I also want to thank all the blog writers who inspire me to share my testimony and teach me new ideas and vocabulary; you are the real MVPs!

Y’all are so beautiful and dope and I’m glad we found each other. Feel free to leave any advice or words of encouragement in the comments! I’m also accepting gifts if you feel so moved 😘

Thank you ❤

Black Father Exposed

These are the kinds of images that we need to see and promote promote promote. I salute all of the consistently involved dads and father-like figures today and daily.

week 24|2017

Don’t become who hurt you.

Like any worthwhile task, mastering your emotions is ofttimes much easier said than done.

If we haven’t recognized ourselves as a version of the person who’s hurt us, we know someone that took on the role of someone who hurt them and plays it to T. I automatically think of anger. Sadness. Deception. Revenge-seeking. Useless, stagnating emotions birthed from the turmoil someone else has caused. (While that someone is most likely going on with their lives, unbeknownst to your pain + suffering, btw.) And in the long run, you end up hurting yourself by pushing loving people away, denying your pain and letting wounds fester. Languishing in the hurt lets the perp win! Whether or not you choose to acknowledge it, they still hold control if your actions are based on what they did to you. At least that’s how I see it.