week 10|2017: love without attachment [a repost]

Non attachment love is not about not being connected or not loving each other fully and to the core. For me it’s actually the opposite, it’s knowing that nothing lasts forever and treating that love as if it was the last day. It’s expressing that love everyday, it’s taking nothing for granted. It’s not getting […]

via Love with no attachment.. Is this the best type of love one could wish for? — Breathe Think Write Release

shady

dark skin, light skin

it don’t matter, we all kin

all-kin.jpg

“shady” ©2016 KbW

and if this simple sketch was a song:

week 5|2017

beingupile

can’t I just be a black woman that loves herself in peace? without having to explain why my skin (be it light honey or molasses) is a dream? why my hair (coarse or sleek) is a crown? can’t I just be a black woman that loves being a black woman without having to be  sorry, or humble, or polite about it? damn it! who else has to justify loving themselves like this? who else has to fight for the right to call themselves a blessing? goodness, can’t I just be a black woman that loves herself in peace? –Upile Chisala

photo cred: Travis Matthews | upilechisala.com

The Unhappy Wife: A Book Review

As you all know, I’m not the best at book reviews, but I had to do it for my fellow blogging sister, Dr. Garland. She is beautiful, intelligent, honest and inspiring. When reading her posts, I often come away with a handful of golden nuggets and a new perspective, so supporting her new book was kind of a no brainer. Although I’m not married, engaged and never have been, Katherin promised that I’d gain something from The Unhappy Wife. And I did. Absolutely.

keg

Twelve women share one thing in common – the quest for being happily married to the men they chose; however, each one finds herself in an unexpected marital predicament. Inspired by real events and told from each woman’s perspective, these short stories are firsthand accounts detailing the realities of marriage well after each woman said “I do.”

I read The Unhappy Wife in one sitting. It’s a page turner, one wife’s tale being a nail biting thriller. You’ll enjoy it too if you, like me, like to learn about relationships [with a little side of drama]. I found myself laughing, clutching my pearls and shaking my head, thinking this cannot be real life. But with my mother being a longtime fan of shows like Snapped, Forensic Files, Judge Mathis and Dateline, I know these kinds of relationships are not uncommon.

I’m still learning from my experiences, but I saw my [mentally] younger self in many of these wives, being silenced by and committed to selfish boys disguised as men who I knew deep down were not the best match for me. Second-guessing my standards. Thinking I can love him into changing. Or I made him cheat. And that is the commonality: we ignore our intuition, all in the name of what we define as love.

You don’t need anybody else to validate your choices. The answer is always inside you. It’s called conscience. – K E Garland

Whether you’re a man or woman – married or not – The Unhappy Wife will give you a fresh perspective on relationships. And not just marriages, but all relationships. What I took away from this read? Many reminders that you have to know yourself. This is vital for survival and before embarking on any kind of ‘ship.

Don’t try to save face; if it ain’t working, it ain’t working. And that’s ok. We’re all human.

Lowering your standards for someone who is incapable of loving you the ways you need to be loved is not love, nor will it become love if you stay.

Know when to seek help. If it feels wrong, it probably is.

Compromising your happiness and sanity is not love.

There aren’t necessarily “happy endings” for these wives, but rather forward motion and life beyond their toxic situations.

Great job, Dr. Garland. Thank you.

If it doesn’t make you feel fabulous, don’t do it. Don’t buy it. Don’t keep it. And above all, don’t marry it. – unknown

Order your own digital or paperback copy of The Unhappy Wife 

 

 

 

 

gentle reminder for my sisters

I know it might be cold.. your bed might be lonely. You may even have a full roster of gentleman callers to temporarily fill that void + make you forget. But, please. Take a beat. Remember

you are a queen.

Don’t let no man half love you.

P.S. I forgot where I read the last part but the first two lines are all me. I hate to see queens that truly desire ardent monogamy settle for part-time affection when a worthy king is somewhere preparing himself for the full-time duty of reminding you why it never worked out with the others.

He Matches my Blackness [a reblog]

“We met in college. He walked me home from school every day for five years. We would talk about everything: how many kids we wanted, how we wanted to raise them, our roles in the home, where we wanted to live, and even where we wanted to go on vacation. So there really haven’t been […]

via She matches my blackness — Forever Black Effusion