week 31|2017: 9 things to give up

9 Things to Give Up if You Want to be Happy

1. Complaining
2. Limiting beliefs
3. Blaming others
4. Negative self-talk
5. Dwelling on the past
6. Resistance to change
7. The need to impress others
8. The need to always be right
9. The need for other’s approval

Giving up isn’t always a bad thing. I’ve given up many things that worked for me at one time. Of course I thought I couldn’t live without ________, but time created me a better woman. That hindsight is 20/20!

Most of my days are good, “happy” days, but right now I’m working on numbers 3, 4 and 5. Number 3 because I feel the need for someone to be at fault. SOMEONE! This is not always the case. People often do what feels (or looks) best for them and you just may find yourself in the crossfire. They may not know. They may not care. And pointing the finger doesn’t change the outcome or make me feel better, so..
That brings us to #4; when a situation turns sour, I often blame myself for not using more discernment or flexing my spidey sense. This benefit of the doubt thing isn’t always beneficial, man. I mean at least not for both parties involved. I just have to accept the fact that- dang it! I’m not psychic! There isn’t enough prep time in the world to map out a route that avoids all uncomfortable, time-wasting ordeals. And it’s impossible to bend every situation in my favor.

And of course this lands me at #5: writing another chapter of my own book of quotes and short stories entitled Things I Should I have Said. It’s full of those nagging thoughts that love to creep in, especially late at night when I should allow my mind to rest. I cannot change what was (not) said or done; I need to make peace with it and move on.

What about you? What have you given up that has made you a happier you?

week 27|2017: self-reliance, the secret sauce

I love Darius Foroux‘s conversational, straight-no-chaser writing style. This time, I’m sharing with you his thoughts on practicing emotional self-reliance. I thought I was, but I felt another g-check was in order while reading his list.

In a nutshell, Darius’ six lessons to become emotionally self-reliant are:

  • Have a voice
  • Learn how to master your emotions
  • Celebrate adversity
  • Separate yourself from everything (see: non-attachment love)
  • Get comfortable with yourself
  • Live without regrets

Please read the post for full details on each lesson.

I am still mastering my emotions; I’m the baby in my family and for a while, I was the youngest grandchild/cousin, so I got zero say on planning the party. Zero. It trickled into my adulthood as needing to be heard, a wave of irritation washing over me when (I feel) I’m being ignored… hence why I have a blog?

Another point that struck a chord was living without regrets. HOW, Sway??! you ask? Three words: just do it. Stop not doing the things you want to do. The author says If you’re unhappy or if you want to change, just change your standards. You can’t change the past. Yes, it’s easier said than done, especially if you hurt someone and never apologized or didn’t get to say goodbye or stood firm when you should’ve taken that leap. BUT it can be done! Live and learn, right. Without rushing the process, I’ve learned to forgive myself, forgive others and take the necessary time to move on.

What about you? By Darius’ definition, are you already practicing self-reliance?


I don’t like to be asked why I’m single, especially in a manner that alludes to singledom equating loneliness, bitterness, unworthiness, craziness and sadness. Or that something has to be wrong with me or any of the men I date. And I can say with confidence and honesty, I’m good! (There was a time after my first major break up that I was not so good sans partner, so, believe me, I can tell the difference.) Healthy, fulfilling relationships are dope as all get out, but what I do think is unhealthy is putting so much focus on being great for someone else that you miss the perks of rolling solo.As I’ve mentioned, you can better utilize your valuable time (re)discovering your purpose + becoming the best you for you first. No, I haven’t given up on love. I’m definitely not bitter. And I’m not on that strong, independent Black woman soapbox society so meticulously crafted for women like me, but rather the if he doesn’t put in consistent effort, teach me and is open to learning, add a significant amount of peace, enjoy telling the truth, like himself, love deeply without conditions and make my heart burst with joy, I’ll pass type deal.

And that’s just the minimum. Why do some people see this as negative?

None of us would be single if it were that easy to meet and hold onto a very compatible, ready, available someone that also wants to hold onto you. (For all and only the right reasons, of course.) And to me, cultivating love and peace and happiness within myself is of utmost importance. Maintaining joy and drive in my work and the things I do most are also high on the list. Anything more is a major bonus. But harping on why I don’t have partner? 


Maintaining a half-assed relationship out of fear or to save face? Nope, it’s just not in me! It will only make my heart ache for something real and pull energy from the things that are currently fulfilling.

Anyway, partner or no partner, whatever is meant for me in life will come.
For you, too.

Listen damnit, I am tired of single people getting looked at like we have leprosy or some shit. It is like if you are over a certain age and you are not in a relationship then some people seem to talk to or about you in such a condescending manner. Everyone does not get into…

via #SINGLELIVESMATTER — The Single Bitch Diaries

week 24|2017

Don’t become who hurt you.

Like any worthwhile task, mastering your emotions is ofttimes much easier said than done.

If we haven’t recognized ourselves as a version of the person who’s hurt us, we know someone that took on the role of someone who hurt them and plays it to T. I automatically think of anger. Sadness. Deception. Revenge-seeking. Useless, stagnating emotions birthed from the turmoil someone else has caused. (While that someone is most likely going on with their lives, unbeknownst to your pain + suffering, btw.) And in the long run, you end up hurting yourself by pushing loving people away, denying your pain and letting wounds fester. Languishing in the hurt lets the perp win! Whether or not you choose to acknowledge it, they still hold control if your actions are based on what they did to you. At least that’s how I see it.

AGAIN | Raw Poetic Response & Reflection (a repost)

Pure fire.

AGAIN Cheat on me again Ignore me again Choose her over me again Disrespect me again Yell at me again Don’t buy me anything again Don’t introduce me again Choose them over me again Lie to me again Don’t call when you say you will again Don’t come when you say you will again Copy […]

via AGAIN | Raw Poetic Response & Reflection — authenticitee speaks