Don’t become who hurt you.
Like any worthwhile task, mastering your emotions is ofttimes much easier said than done.
If we haven’t recognized ourselves as a version of the person who’s hurt us, we know someone that took on the role of someone who hurt them and plays it to T. I automatically think of anger. Sadness. Deception. Revenge-seeking. Useless, stagnating emotions birthed from the turmoil someone else has caused. (While that someone is most likely going on with their lives, unbeknownst to your pain + suffering, btw.) And in the long run, you end up hurting yourself by pushing loving people away, denying your pain and letting wounds fester. Languishing in the hurt lets the perp win! Whether or not you choose to acknowledge it, they still hold control if your actions are based on what they did to you. At least that’s how I see it.
I want to think that God smiles when a Black woman is brave enough to love herself.
AGAIN Cheat on me again Ignore me again Choose her over me again Disrespect me again Yell at me again Don’t buy me anything again Don’t introduce me again Choose them over me again Lie to me again Don’t call when you say you will again Don’t come when you say you will again Copy […]
via AGAIN | Raw Poetic Response & Reflection — authenticitee speaks
It was when I stopped searching for home within others and lifted the foundations of home within myself I found there were no roots more intimate than those between a mind and body that have decided to be whole. -Rupi Kaur
(African Queen/Queen Charlotte artwork spied on pinterest)
Firstly, please check out Tremaine’s blog, simplesoulsister.com; she has the amazing knack to pack a punch in so few words that often resonate with me. Thank you, Tremaine.
When we are
truthful with ourselves
about our selves,
we hurt people less.
-“Eureka!”by Tremaine L. Loadholt
If you’ve ever read my blog, you probably know how I feel about self-realization and g-checkin; they are vital for growth of self and impact our relationships with others. Knowing yourself and being honest about it -“flaws” and all- eliminates the risk of someone else telling you who you are. Knowledge of self quiets the ego. And, chances are, those who are quick to jump the “friendship” ship or nitpick every move you make are the ones experiencing the worst internal conflict. They don’t like hearing about your momentum or what changes they could benefit from making and may not divulge much or get too close for fear of losing a good thing. They avoid alone time because they are not the best company. And quiet solitude often stimulates deep thought, right. Uh oh! They are their own worst enemy in this sense. I understand and empathize, but I cannot and will not internalize their problems, especially knowing that, outside of myself, I can only encourage the betterment of another, not a thing more. You just can’t hand out your free therapy/ open heart/thought-provoking conversation/beautiful spirit to anyone who still holds tight to overweight, negative baggage; their hearts are too heavy to welcome anything new, different and good. Your only job is to try – for you, for anyone you love. And do not blame yourself if they’re dismissive as that is merely a reflection of how they feel about themselves.
So if you recognize that you’re a mess and recognize your mess spreads easily onto innocent bystanders, be real + take the time to heal. Please. Accept the ugly parts of evolvement. Recognize necessary fixes. And apologize to those you’ve hurt, including you. Being truthful with yourself will inspire others to do the same. It will cultivate the tightest bonds because those who cannot handle your unfuckwithability and aren’t ready to grow with you will simply fall away.
Thank you again, Tremaine, for these simple words. I hope they reach those who need it.
I find it extremely liberating to see that I was the cause of all of my problems. With this realization I have also learned that I am my own solution. This is the great big gift of personal accountability. When we stop blaming external forces and own up to our responsibility we become the ultimate creators of our destiny. – Jenna Galbut
I just love this.. I (re)discovered it saved in my screenshots and, man, after reading Dr. G’s wise words of co-creating, it resonates more than ever.
You know those people who always play the blame game? Who point the finger at everyone and everything except themselves? Yeah.. here’s to being the opposite of that. I know in the past, it was more difficult for me to take responsibility for my downfalls, especially if my intention opposed the receiving party’s perception. But now it’s like, ok, I see where you’re coming from. Discuss if necessary and move on. On the opposite of the same coin, I also have the power to remove blame gamers – actually, any and everything that disrupts my chi. I mean, why not make the best of this one life? Or at least do what’s in our power to try.