I don’t like to be asked why I’m single, especially in a manner that alludes to singledom equating loneliness, bitterness, unworthiness, craziness and sadness. Or that something has to be wrong with me or any of the men I date. And I can say with confidence and honesty, I’m good! (There was a time after my first major break up that I was not so good sans partner, so, believe me, I can tell the difference.) Healthy, fulfilling relationships are dope as all get out, but what I do think is unhealthy is putting so much focus on being great for someone else that you miss the perks of rolling solo.As I’ve mentioned, you can better utilize your valuable time (re)discovering your purpose + becoming the best you for you first. No, I haven’t given up on love. I’m definitely not bitter. And I’m not on that strong, independent Black woman soapbox society so meticulously crafted for women like me, but rather the if he doesn’t put in consistent effort, teach me and is open to learning, add a significant amount of peace, enjoy telling the truth, like himself, love deeply without conditions and make my heart burst with joy, I’ll pass type deal.

And that’s just the minimum. Why do some people see this as negative?

None of us would be single if it were that easy to meet and hold onto a very compatible, ready, available someone that also wants to hold onto you. (For all and only the right reasons, of course.) And to me, cultivating love and peace and happiness within myself is of utmost importance. Maintaining joy and drive in my work and the things I do most are also high on the list. Anything more is a major bonus. But harping on why I don’t have partner? 


Maintaining a half-assed relationship out of fear or to save face? Nope, it’s just not in me! It will only make my heart ache for something real and pull energy from the things that are currently fulfilling.

Anyway, partner or no partner, whatever is meant for me in life will come.
For you, too.

Listen damnit, I am tired of single people getting looked at like we have leprosy or some shit. It is like if you are over a certain age and you are not in a relationship then some people seem to talk to or about you in such a condescending manner. Everyone does not get into…

via #SINGLELIVESMATTER — The Single Bitch Diaries

AGAIN | Raw Poetic Response & Reflection (a repost)

Pure fire.

AGAIN Cheat on me again Ignore me again Choose her over me again Disrespect me again Yell at me again Don’t buy me anything again Don’t introduce me again Choose them over me again Lie to me again Don’t call when you say you will again Don’t come when you say you will again Copy […]

via AGAIN | Raw Poetic Response & Reflection — authenticitee speaks

week 19|2017: Eureka!

Firstly, please check out Tremaine’s blog, simplesoulsister.com; she has the amazing knack to pack a punch in so few words that often resonate with me. Thank you, Tremaine.

When we are
truthful with ourselves
about our selves,
we hurt people less.
-“Eureka!”by Tremaine L. Loadholt

If you’ve ever read my blog, you probably know how I feel about self-realization and g-checkin; they are vital for growth of self and impact our relationships with others. Knowing yourself and being honest about it -“flaws” and all- eliminates the risk of someone else telling you who you are. Knowledge of self quiets the ego. And, chances are, those who are quick to jump the “friendship” ship or nitpick every move you make are the ones experiencing the worst internal conflict. They don’t like hearing about your momentum or what changes they could benefit from making and may not divulge much or get too close for fear of losing a good thing. They avoid alone time because they are not the best company. And quiet solitude often stimulates deep thought, right. Uh oh! They are their own worst enemy in this sense. I understand and empathize, but I cannot and will not internalize their problems, especially knowing that, outside of myself, I can only encourage the betterment of another, not a thing more. You just can’t hand out your free therapy/ open heart/thought-provoking conversation/beautiful spirit to anyone who still holds tight to overweight, negative baggage; their hearts are too heavy to welcome anything new, different and good. Your only job is to try – for you, for anyone you love. And do not blame yourself if they’re dismissive as that is merely a reflection of how they feel about themselves.

So if you recognize that you’re a mess and recognize your mess spreads easily onto innocent bystanders, be real + take the time to heal. Please. Accept the ugly parts of evolvement. Recognize necessary fixes. And apologize to those you’ve hurt, including you. Being truthful with yourself will inspire others to do the same. It will cultivate the tightest bonds because those who cannot handle your unfuckwithability and aren’t ready to grow with you will simply fall away.

Thank you again, Tremaine, for these simple words. I hope they reach those who need it.

Does Black Love Actually Exist? (a reblog)

We spend our lives craving it, looking for it, and talking about it. The meaning of It can be felt more than it can be expressed. It’s called the greatest virtue. It’s love. What is love? I spoke to people, read books on it and even searched several dictionaries for an absolute but there was […]

via Does Black Love Actually Exist? — MINDSIGHTCOLLECTIVE

one moodyass poem

Lately I can’t seem to shake these thoughts of you.

They say when you think of someone so much,
they’re thinking of you too.
But that can’t be
because you’d call or text like you used to do.
Telling me about you and your days
until it was no longer new.
Our once lavish garden became overgrown with..boredom?
Complacency? We’ll never know what could have grew.
Delayed responses to simple messages
yet all over social media like glitter on glue.
Arguments sparked when I shared what hurt me most
and you couldn’t handle your shortcomings…and the truth.
What is with these guys-
boys in men’s bodies who play good women for fools.
Bravado schmeared over a lazy, narcissistic bagel-
not really that flavorful or interesting, but still a lot to chew.
Silly me for playing the same sad game
I knew I’d lose.
A hungry heart makes silly choices;
I’ve learned that through and through;
My mind escaped me as my heart took over, an array of emotions
from white hot, crimson, violet, gray, black and blue.
They matched the flowers at my doorstep
and the colors of your chameleon suits.
I hope you’ve learned that catching the girl may be easy,
but keeping her is for the strong and very few.
I know potential ain’t shit if not realized and put into motion;
our could/should/would have been just won’t do.
Next time I’ll heed the signs of a man incapable of loving;
my heels will kick up dust and I’ll say chooom ✌🏾

© 2017 KBW

week 14|2017: on women + dating/relationships


I feel like I haven’t talked to you all in awhile. Hi! I’ve been reposting worthwhile reads, but I know I have been a bit M.I.A. with engaging and sharing thoughts of my own. Siiigh.. tis life. The below is not my own, but I echo the sentiments. (Feel free to read the passage now. I’ll wait..)

as women, we are often shamed into loneliness.
told that requiring anything is asking too much.
so we choose silence, over ourselves, as to not be read as lonely, desperate, needy, “thirsty”.
because apparently needing anything in particular other than sex makes you undesirable.
choose someone who listens when you speak,
who hears you when you talk,
someone who you can ask things of and not feel the shame that comes from feeling like you’re asking too much.” –@keyballah

What do you think? I think we all, men and women, harbor some residuals from past relationships and dates – whether good or not so good. One thing I recognize that shadows me e v e r y time I meet someone new is apprehension of sharing for fear of.. rejection? Yea, maybe. A stranger knowing too much and using it against me? For sure. Looking thirsty? Not really, actually. I think we’re all a bit fearful of our feelings getting disregarded by (undeserving) partners + prospects. Again. I just know that being honest is worth it because hey, people are going to judge you regardless, right? I’d rather be judged by who I am/my truth than a false representation any day. And I promise you that the handful of men that I’ve ever taken seriously know exactly how I felt during our relationships and when things ended. And even though it didn’t ever feel great ending it, they all know where my heart was and I don’t regret being vulnerable and telling them the truth. It’s helped me practice discernment, learn more about myself and have a bit more fun dating.

All in all, even though it may be scary to possibly have your ego/heart/feelings shattered, it’s worth it as you make your way to the one(s) that will hold dear you and your realness. I definitely appreciate real ones in a world that promotes highly edited ig #relationshipsgoals; the “couples” could just be bed buddies! Or models at work. How do we ever know??!

Dating can suck, but cheers to love!

[photo borrowed from the internet]

The Unhappy Wife: A Book Review

As you all know, I’m not the best at book reviews, but I had to do it for my fellow blogging sister, Dr. Garland. She is beautiful, intelligent, honest and inspiring. When reading her posts, I often come away with a handful of golden nuggets and a new perspective, so supporting her new book was kind of a no brainer. Although I’m not married, engaged and never have been, Katherin promised that I’d gain something from The Unhappy Wife. And I did. Absolutely.


Twelve women share one thing in common – the quest for being happily married to the men they chose; however, each one finds herself in an unexpected marital predicament. Inspired by real events and told from each woman’s perspective, these short stories are firsthand accounts detailing the realities of marriage well after each woman said “I do.”

I read The Unhappy Wife in one sitting. It’s a page turner, one wife’s tale being a nail biting thriller. You’ll enjoy it too if you, like me, like to learn about relationships [with a little side of drama]. I found myself laughing, clutching my pearls and shaking my head, thinking this cannot be real life. But with my mother being a longtime fan of shows like Snapped, Forensic Files, Judge Mathis and Dateline, I know these kinds of relationships are not uncommon.

I’m still learning from my experiences, but I saw my [mentally] younger self in many of these wives, being silenced by and committed to selfish boys disguised as men who I knew deep down were not the best match for me. Second-guessing my standards. Thinking I can love him into changing. Or I made him cheat. And that is the commonality: we ignore our intuition, all in the name of what we define as love.

You don’t need anybody else to validate your choices. The answer is always inside you. It’s called conscience. – K E Garland

Whether you’re a man or woman – married or not – The Unhappy Wife will give you a fresh perspective on relationships. And not just marriages, but all relationships. What I took away from this read? Many reminders that you have to know yourself. This is vital for survival and before embarking on any kind of ‘ship.

Don’t try to save face; if it ain’t working, it ain’t working. And that’s ok. We’re all human.

Lowering your standards for someone who is incapable of loving you the ways you need to be loved is not love, nor will it become love if you stay.

Know when to seek help. If it feels wrong, it probably is.

Compromising your happiness and sanity is not love.

There aren’t necessarily “happy endings” for these wives, but rather forward motion and life beyond their toxic situations.

Great job, Dr. Garland. Thank you.

If it doesn’t make you feel fabulous, don’t do it. Don’t buy it. Don’t keep it. And above all, don’t marry it. – unknown

Order your own digital or paperback copy of The Unhappy Wife